"INK"

The Lighthouse...the Line of Blue on Blue. Read on. I will explain.

Tattoos. Taboos. I resemble those remarks.

I am about to go to the beach. Something about being at the beach makes me want to get inked. OK, I'll be honest, something about breathing makes me want to get inked.

Recently someone made a remark about how stupid tattoos are and how when you are 90 it's going to be embarrassing. Well, that is exactly what sets me apart from the people who make judgments about us freaky tattooed people. I don't really care what you think. I am not tattooed so that you can enjoy my body. I am tattooed because I enjoy seeing it on my body.


I also dye my hair a different color (usually several colors) at least every few months. I don't do that so that people think my hair looks good (because usually people think I am nuts), I do it because it helps me express how I am feeling at that time.

So far, I have 5 tattoos. Hair colors? Well, the sky is the limit on that one.

As for the tattoos, they all mean something special to me and I did them all when I felt so inspired. Even designed them myself.

The first one I got when I was about 18. I didn't know better. I put it "somewhere" without much thought to the future. Fine, when I'm 90, it will be pretty stupid, but I never said I wasn't wrong, just unique.

That tattoo is a self portrait. It's simple lines. Now, not so much. After 7 kids the lines aren't so simple, they're more like blocks. Oh well. Live and Learn. The second one is a J and a K connected. I got that one when I met Jason. I am one of those crazies who actually inked a boys initial on my hip before I knew if it would last. 15 years later, his initial is on my hip, and I have given him 7 children. I hope it lasts. Do you know how hard it is to cover a tattoo? (cough cough angelina jolie cough cough) The next one I got was a ladybug. Instead of dots on the ladybug, I have arrows. There are 4 of them in it. The ladybug represented my daughter Kaja, the 4 arrows were for the 4 boys I had at the time I got the tattoo. There is a verse in the bible about children being a blessing from the Lord. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior. And blessed is he whose quiver is full. My quiver, and this ladybug's back, are full. PRAISE GOD!
The next tattoo I got was a motherhood knot. It's a Celtic symbol of never ending, intertwined lines. I customized mine, and added dots to represent each child, with a dot in the middle to represent Jason and I as the center. I broke up the never ending lines to add some character, and specifically created an Ichthys (the Christian fish symbol) to signify Christ in our family knot. The last tattoo. That's the one that inspired the name of this blog.

The lighthouse. The line of blue on blue. Here's the story...
As I mentioned, I am 37. I am established in this world. But I am a hot mess. A wandering soul. I admit it.
One evening I was standing outside, looking to heaven, evening sun shining on my face. I prayed to God. I prayed for guidance. I prayed for direction. It dawned on me. God, is my lighthouse. He is my direction when I am lost. I can always seek His face and find my way home. My pastor once said that God, like an anxious father waiting for His child's return home, will stand and stretch His neck, looking around that corner to catch a glimpse of his wandering child, coming up the hill. I love this truth. I love that God, like a beacon of light, will always shine bright enough to help me find my way back. I love that despite the weather and the waves of life, He is a strong foundation that cannot be hidden. His light and love will never be out of sight, or out of reach. I can ALWAYS come home again. It then occurred to me that like the love of the Father, I too, am called to be this light, this source of comfort and refuge to my children. Somewhere safe that they can always seek out and come home to for comfort and rest. I am a lighthouse.
The line of blue on blue is a reference to a song. "See that line of blue on blue, it's given as a gift to you, keep your eyes on that horizon."

I am walking through this world and changing as I go, but one thing remains the same, yesterday, today and forever. The lighthouse. Shining bright and standing strong.

Keep your eye on that horizon.

I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." - (Ps 18.1-2)

Unexpected Visitors

I am blogging. That means I am allowing my words to escape me.

Already, I have typed and deleted my intro. I am way over thinking this.

What's funny is that I used to have a good friend that I joked about this with. Typing and deleting...re-typing. If you are a Facebook member, you will know what I am talking about. If you are chatting with someone and you see the little "typing" bubble and then the bubble turns to a green circle, you know that the person you are chatting with is deleting what they wrote. It drives me CRAZY. Just be honest right? Spit it out! (I am SUCH a hypocrite!!!!) Anyway, we decided to coin the phrase "Live and Die by the Bubble". So relevant.

Anyway, just a forethought here...Why is it so hard to just say what you mean to say? John Mayer, you should write a song about that. I think it would be a big hit. Just sayin.

So, I will open this blog of mine with a few thoughts and then I will decide if I should continue with this new venture.

1: I just saw a Mirena commercial about birth control. (Random opening to a Blog, I know)...Anyway, in the commercial the lady says "I am not ready for another kid.....For now"

This brings me to topic #1. Zane. He was born 7 weeks ago. He wasn't planned. I had the Mirena IUD for 4 years. (If you don't care about my reproduction, close the blog now) I was sick and the Dr found that the Mirena IUD had implanted into my uterine wall. The Dr took the IUD out. I got pregnant the next day. OK fine, it was like a couple of months later. But that's neither here nor there...My point? I am fertile.
(Sidenote: This isn't to be taken lightly. I truly mean that. I realize that this is a gift. I am blessed and grateful for things unplanned. Unexpected visitors if you will. But I never decided whether or not I wanted another baby.)
Jump back to today. Zane is 7 weeks old. He's growing way too fast. I might want another one.

B: Friendships. This year has been a hard one for me. I have lost friends. I'm 37. I am established. I am unstable, but still, I am established in this world. Yet I managed to offend and lose friends. Do you even know how much that sucks? Google it. It does suck.
Anyway, I was randomly going about my business, and BAM (EMERIL EMPHASIS), someone said that they wanted to be my new BFF2. Here I am. 37. Making new friends. Unexpected new friends. And to boot, this girl, this person I have known for 5 whole minutes, makes me want to re-discover me. She makes me laugh. She makes me want to BLOG. If you know me, you know that NOBODY makes me do anything. I am more stubborn than a mule. I'd win. Seriously.

Anyway, this unexpected friend is so inspiring as a matter of fact, that I created this very blog because of her. I don't even know what her favorite color is or where she went to college. But I do know this. She loves the Lord and she makes me want to be a better person. That is the kind of friendship that God knew we needed before we asked. He's a righteous dude I say.

Speaking of God, I just have to say this. I don't know what I am doing from one minute to the next. I don't know why I am writing a blog. I don't know why God blessed me with this amazing child that I am nursing at this very minute while I am typing. I don't know why God allowed me to meet (well actually I haven't met her) this random stranger who has inspired me. I don't know much of anything. But I do know this:

You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say

Say what you need to say. Or start a blog.

Oh, and thank God for Unexpected Visitors. You never know how they will change your life. Amen???